To Feel At Pieces

When you do not have the words,

and emotions are tidal. 

When you do not know the path, 

clinging to what keeps you breathing. 

When you cannot sense release,

and apathy is coming.

When you want to be honest, 

but it seems better kept within your guard.

When you cannot navigate the deep,

yet you crave the depth of meaning. 

When your heart is growing strange,

and what you know to be is distant.

When your familiar becomes discomfort,

and the growth is felt through pain. 

When you do not have the words, 

an Author remains still the same. 

I struggle with emotions, as I believe all humans do. They wear me down from the inside out and the recuperation period is long. I am not exempt from the capacity to feel, although sometimes I think that is what I want. However, (there is always a “however” isn’t there) the depth felt in pain is the same extent of depth felt in joy. Alleviation of feeling is just that—lack of feeling anything. Being numb does not resolve, all it does is take. Takes your ability to actually feel good. A soul awake is a soul that knows pain. Yes, it is hard. We were all made to need and know an outlet. Not made to be enough for ourselves. I forget it. I really wish I did not have to feel it, much less have to work through it.

Yet, in the pursuit of wholeness there can be no healing without an injury, no salve without a giver, no wholeness without putting severed pieces together.