The most common quality I have seen in the actions or inaction of male figures in my life, whether we are close-knit or accessory, is fear. By far, fear is the most unanimous quality. (Perhaps in people in general, so us females are not exempt by any means and I will be the first to admit fear is at play in every human. Yet, this is my current attempt at being a student of the male psyche.)
Building meaningful relationships with guys is comfortable for me. Growing up, it was always easier to connect with how my guy friends would see situations (this has since grown and changed as I have, but there is still something that clicks for me from time to time). There are a good handful of friends I have made that I consider my brothers in the weight I give to their words and the amount of love and effort I show to them. I come from a secure, loving relationship with my father. My life and how I see myself has been deeply and beautifully shaped by the courageous and sacrificial love of a man. Love has that power. I wish everyone could know it and experience it from a person here on earth. (If you haven’t, it is still available to you. In the deepest and most satisfying way, and it is not limited to earth. You can experience it for all eternity. Your soul was made to be given to Jesus, and doing that is the most secure space you will ever be in.)
I wonder if that could be why fear works so hard to invade these men’s hearts. There are moments I can visually go back to where I have been hurt because a man chose to believe fear. I have lost patience because these men did not say things they wanted to say or they have not addressed things that have needed to be addressed. The mind often wonders why. I go back to the times I acted out of fear and have chosen to believe fear over the truth, and the driving factors have been “if I do or say this thing and (fill in the blank) happens or does not happen then I will be…” rejected, hurt, punished, embarrassed beyond what I can salvage, projected as dumb or like I am weak. “What if…” can keep us from a bad or a good thing. Prayer has proven to be much more reliable.
There have also been times I have chosen to tell the truth when I was so afraid I was shaking and for sure putting my neck out to be rejected or embarrassed. I have felt the pain of a deep rejection and it is brutal. I have also had to say hard things to others I care about, and that sourced some of the most pain. But guess what? I am still alive and honestly, more free. When you choose courage once, it makes the next time a little easier. But, it is not courage if there is not anything to lose. Sometimes, it is better that you lost the thing you were holding onto. Maybe that thing was fear.
I think fear likes to blind us and keep us distrustful. Courage to ask, to believe in the truth and act correspondingly opens our eyes to see what we could not previously see. Courage punches fear in the face. All I am saying is take a minute to really ask yourself why you are or are not doing or saying _____ right now. If fear is at play, reconsider it. I think fear might be one of the most recurring qualities in these men I have care for because brokenness entered the world and likes to mar the reality that a man who truly speaks and acts in courage and conviction of truth has the power to bring freedom, security and love to a person or situation.
Men, this could be your superpower if you are bold enough to commit to the process and walk in it.
(Could this be true for every person? Yes! But right now, speaking from my limited experience, I am saying this for every mom who wants their son to know it, from a sister to my brothers, from a confident woman to any man who can be so much more than what he is choosing right now.)
You know what sucks about the trenches? It’s messy and not glamorous down here. You do not fully know what’s going on most of the time but you are trying. Beliefs are the most powerful thing here, but the casualty count is endless.
A lot of people spend their time and energy (sometimes for the entirety of their life) trying to get out of the trenches and rise above the messy and hard stuff that does not smell great or look put together. Most people in the trenches are not “seen” quite simply due to the fact that trenches are deep and beneath the surface so it takes extra or intentional effort to really notice someone in them. You also move in one direction or the other in a trench unless you have decided to plop down somewhere. Even then, people pass you by on both sides. Some fight their way through, others just try to remember to look up every now and again.
Courage is most often exercised in small, internal battles. There is no praise or glory given to those moments. But, those are the ones that shape you over time. The trench can shape you if you let it. Your courage can also shape the people around you, just like fear can too. I am beyond blessed to know some of the best men on this planet, who have chosen time and time again to be courageous and bold and sacrifice themselves to make others feel seen, known and loved. They believe the truth and they serve others. No one has one attitude all of the time, that takes a lifetime of practice. But, they are trying. And often, they succeed in their efforts. It means the world.
So here’s this: courage might actually keep you in the trenches. But, that could be really good news. There is another group of people down here who are down here because they are hard at work. Good work. Serving others and seeing beyond themselves. Noticing people. Obedient to God, not fear. Believing the truth and fighting for it to be revealed. The trenches are humbling, and the truth is we are all pretty weak. We are human, after all. Every person you know is a human who was a baby at some point. If you have ever loved anyone who is in a weaker state than you are, you know it carries no bearing on their inherent worth. They are as worthy of love and sacrifice as you.
So, get some mud on your clothes and try. Hurt is rampant in the trenches, but that also means there are endless opportunities for healing. You just might experience some freedom, too.
Share your good. 
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