The line is long enough. I do not care to file in with those who readily offer their anecdotes to following or dismembering one’s passion. Passion, after all, quite literally in ancient terms means “to suffer”. Oh, what a pain it brings. Giving of oneself vulnerably, genuinely. It leaves a mark. A deep and bloody gash sometimes if I’m honest. If I am really honest I would change that to say ‘most times’.
Has anyone else grown familiar with the cool sensation of the floor and comfort of the carpet against your face and body? Seeking the consolation of the ground to somehow soothe your inward ache and outward cry. I’ve made a friend of collapse, and the floor beneath my feet has always been a consistent supporter. When the taste of life begins to grow sour, and you no longer look forward to its feast.
It is not uncommon to have what resonates the most with you, what matters to you, what you value so closely, be the most costly to your entire being. A mental, emotional, physical, all-encompassing cost. While I do not enjoy or desire pain or suffering, perhaps the revelation is not met in the suffering, but in the giving of it all.
If you look back toward the beginning of creation, we were not made for pain. It is far too heavy for these shoulders and knees to bear. Yet, we were made to give as we had been given to.
Remember? Giving yourself vulnerably and genuinely leaves a mark…
and it’s not just on you.
The comfort of a cherished friend can be a healing balm better than money can buy. A loved one’s unwavering belief in you can mean the world. Words of honesty and actions of love can ford the widest rushing waters.
Yet, if I wait on the day for those I respect or even love to understand everything my passion means to me?
I’ll carry my waiting to be buried in the dirt alongside me.
People will try, and efforts can be earnest. But, what brings flourishing to your heart will be uniquely understood only by you and God the giver, not supremely validated through the eyes or words or actions of others. If they could truly ‘get it’ all then it would be their cup to drink, not yours.
Your boss may see you and value your work, or they may not. Your colleagues may actually try and give their full effort to the vision, or they won’t care enough. You can do your best and produce a renowned success, to then notice someone else’s bigger and better reward and status. You can give your heart to someone, and never be acknowledged or hear a word.
Isn’t “enough” a funny word?
It’s like if I asked you to come and lift a weight I have placed on the ground in front of me. You try to no avail, but you purpose in yourself to accomplish this feat one day. You train every day, you receive the right nourishment, buy the right gear, do all the right things to prepare and grow your strength. You got this! You show up, and every time you do you never know how much the weight actually weighs because I change it every time. It is ever so slightly too much weight, and you cannot lift it off the ground even an inch. Although the weight you see today is significantly larger than when you started, and you are now far more poised for the challenge than you once were, the nagging thought remains: “I am not strong enough”.
Enough. Do you think we were actually ever made to be “enough”? I am all that I need? What even truly qualifies as “enough”? Does that change?
Enough already. (See what I did there?)
Maybe I am too weak to be the ‘enough’ I wish to be. I am mortal, finite, at the mercy of multiple extrinsic conditions. Although I will most likely never be enough for me (I don’t believe I was actually meant to be since I was born in need and I require a Savior), I can do or be something for a neighbor that is enough for them in that moment. I obviously cannot fulfill anyone, I am not that powerful. But, I can meet someone. I can see them. I can try to help them in their area of need. I can hug them or yell their name and cheer them on.
How is it that when we begin to shift our focus from ourselves to another, we actually begin to taste the sweetness of life on our own lips again? Especially when we have nothing to gain from our gift? What an unspoken honor.
The truth is we cannot live out of our lack, only from what we have to give. The cool part is we are dynamic individuals that can grow our internal and external resources that we may constantly expand our reach and supply.
What you love will most likely cost you everything, and if it’s the right thing, you’ll never regret what you gave.
Share your good. 
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